Holidays.

Travelling.
Travelling with Fibro can be very exhausting and can get stressful when you travel with children and another disabled person who is my dad. The thing about invisible illness is that you don't look bad therefore it's assumed I should be helping to lift all the cases etc. I did and nearly wiped myself out before I even got there with train delays, cancellations and changes. The journey back wasn't as bad, as no delays but the booked passenger assistance never materialized. I have really worn myself out on the way back as I was flagging already.

Fun filled and action packed!                                        

The actual holiday was a much needed break from the stress etc that we have been having as a family over the past few weeks especially. It was nice to be back at our 2nd home in Weymouth. It's a place where I feel completely relaxed and at ease.

This week myself and the girls never ventured off site as the girls wanted to join in with all the activities that were going on on park with the fun stars. The girls especially my eldest want to know everything and be doing everything that is on offer and being a Fibro mummy it is so exhausting for me.

Out of the whole week we were there I only had one daytime nap on the last day and I was powered by a LOT of caffeine to get me through the week. It probably explains why my migraines have been so bad this week but I don't want the girls to miss out on things just because of how I am.

It's hard being a fibro mummy on holiday as I really want to do more and have more energy for the girls but I think we managed quite well - especially as I didn't have my crutches. I am absolutely exhausted now though and feel like I am heading for a flare due to not getting the rest that I need.

I have also found out that I have developed an allergy to horses/ponies. Both times when the girls had their turns with them my eyes puffed up and started itching etc. Thank goodness I had Lillie's anti histamine with me so I could take some as I looked awful!

Evie on Carnival.

Lillie on Chester.

I am also worried as I have a lot of important appointments in the next week or two and need to at least be half with it for them. My memory is rubbish at the best of times let alone when I am on the point of exhaustion!
                                       
I have had a fab week though and haven't laughed so hard for a while. I love a good holiday where I can go and it feels like there are no expectations of me other than the expectations I have of myself. Sometimes I will however, have to concede that I need to pace more on holiday to try and prevent the post holiday crash.

                                   

 Post holiday feeling.  

We have been back a matter of hours and I already feel a bit lost and empty. I am not quite sure why I feel so down. Could be that it's the end of the season now and I know that that's it till we go back at Easter and it will be all change with fun stars again etc.

I do think it's probably more to do with the fact that I don't really have much of a social life now due to the fibro. The only time I seem to get out is on holiday. It's a bit sad really I'm 29 not 89! All my time and energy is taken up with the girls and then all the flipping appointments etc that I seem to be having at the moment. It completely knocks me for six.

I feel old before my time. I can't even wear heels due to pain and the strong chance that I would fall over when I begin walking. I don't drink partly due to all the meds I am on but also due to the fact that it seems to take me days to recover since having fibro. Sometimes you have to concede that it's just not worth it!

I am also feeling hormonal and tired heading for a flare and that's never a great thing for your mood either. Hopefully this low mood will pass soon, but the holiday just highlights how even over the course of a year or two things have changed for me. You see every so often the Fibro will come along and remind you of all the things you used to be able to do, do with ease and what you used to take for granted.

I am still grieving what is lost and learning to adjust. I will go into the theory behind the stages of acceptance in my next post when I can think a little clearer and have had some time to think and sleep.