A year of ups and downs.
2012 has been about adapting a learning what my limits are. It has been emotional realising what I can no longer do. I had to grieve for my old life. However, coming through that I have realised the things that I can still do. I can do things in different ways. It has slowed me down and given me time to re evaluate my life and what is important. Fibro strips you bare and exposes you so you have to have this time to stop and learn to adapt.
The year has been about hospital stays, medicine changes and investigations and more labels other than the Fibro. It has given me the title of being disabled. A first I hated this word. I was almost embarrassed by it. It was ok for other people to be labelled as this but not me. Over time I have grown used to the label and now am comfortable saying I have a disability.
Being a parent with Fibro is incredibly hard. Being a single parent with Fibro is awful. You are the sole person your children depend on. You have to be strong not only for yourself but also for them. Being a single mummy with Fibro is my superpower what's yours?
My children aged 7 and 4 have also had to learn to adapt to my Fibro. This has meant frustration for them as well as me I am sure but as a family we have muddled through. We have evolved and adapted. The girls have learn't that I need to rest when I say I am tired and in pain, but they also know that when I can I make an effort and do what I can with them. My eldest Lillie has told me she is proud of me being disabled and still doing things with them. It's not about quantity of time it's about the quality if the time you have with them.
Both of my girls have a very close relationship. They love each other to bits. They argue like all sisters do but they really do have a very close and special bond.
We have enjoyed 3 family holidays with my parents to Weymouth over the past year as well as a weekend in Liverpool. We have enjoyed trips to the theatre, cinema, and day trips. The girls have gone to their various extra activities including swimming, gymnastics, Brownies, Guitar lessons, art club, and youth club.
Fun is what you make it. I know despite everything I have had some great times with the girls in 2012. I try and keep things as normal as they can be for the girls. Well by normal I mean stable. I try to provide them with fun opportunities and things to keep them busy and do things with them when I can.
Some pictures of the girls enjoying various things over the past year:
Looking into the new year.
I don't make resolutions as I don't stick to them but I will share with you what I am looking forward to in 2013. Firstly, I hope that I have a favourable DLA decision without having to go to appeal (well I can live in hope can't I?!)
I am looking forward to going back on holiday to Weymouth. Weymouth has been a place that I feel very relaxed in. It has almost become our second home. I really do love our family holidays. I am looking forward to a weekend away in Birmingham for our Fibromites meet in march. It will be lovely to all meet up! I have some things planned for the girls - going to see Disney on ice, Ben and Holly and One Direction. My eldest is a huge fan of 1D and secretly so am I!
2013 will hopefully see me learn to pace better too. I hope that some of the changes in medicines I am having will have a positive effect too. I have the hospital Fibro group starting in the next couple of weeks too so I hope this will help or at least give me better coping mechanisms.
With Fibro it's easy to look at the negative side of things but looking at what you have to look forward to in the next year can make things that bit easier. I try not to let Fibro steal my happiness as that's the one thing I can control!
I have seen the following as an idea and I think it will be a really good thing to do to help me to remember the good and positive things that have happened.