The need to escape.

Escaping.

There are times when things get too much and all you can see is the crap that lies in front of you. It's at times like this that you want and need to escape. I have needed to escape recently. Escape the crazy around me. Hide from the crap and try and have a chance to clear my head and recharge.

My escapism took the form of going away on a break. Myself and my girls and my mum went to the York in the UK for a long weekend. We escaped the crazy that was surrounding us here and packed our stuff and boarded the train. However it's never as simple as that and the journey was tiring for me but when we got there I was able to relax more and enjoy some quality family time.

When you are not right in the middle of a situation you can often work through it and try and process things more. I found that the break helped me to do just that. However having some time away is never always straight forward as I found myself spending a whole afternoon at the local hospital with my youngest who gave us a scare. She was sick and had a headache and was complaining of her neck aching and then started developing a rash that wouldn't fade under pressure. 2 doctors and a nurse later and she was admitted onto a ward for observation. She finally saw 2 more kids doctors who finally said it was an upper respiratory tract infection and the spots were burst blood vessels from being sick. What a long day but I cannot thank the hospital enough as they were so good and they were doing the right thing by observing her and they we're all lovely staff.

So the break had a few of it's own stresses but all in all despite Evie being poorly we had a great time. We extended our stay there by an extra 2 nights to make up for some of the time we lost and to make sure Evie was well enough for the journey back.

So a break away helped me to escape and emotionally get my head in order but boy have I paid for it physically. I have spent the last 2 days in bed in pain from over doing it but it was worth it to have some quality time with my girls. York is such a historic and beautiful city and I was glad I got to visit it again!

         
                               

The steps that have hurt my knees so badly- never again!

My 2 monkeys hiding from me!

Big kid mummy had to have 1 ride too!

View of the Minster from the York wheel.

                         
                           


Whilst I managed to escape and get a break it gives you time to reflect but going away can also highlight things that you are no longer able to do and this can be sad. For instance I had to keep stopping and resting all the time yet I still managed to overdo it. Luckily the girls understand that my legs get bad and I am in pain so they are very good and accommodating. It can still be upsetting though when you just want to be able to run after your girls but all you can manage is a slow painful hobble.

However, I know they appreciate what I do for them and how much I try for them as my eldest who is 7 often says so. She will say that she knows that I try very hard and that I am in pain and that she loves me so much as I do a good job. She has also said that I do a lot more with them than other parents who have no excuse. I have found it's about doing what you can do and being honest when you can or cannot do something. I explain to them how I am feeling pain wise and it helps them to understand what sorts of things we will or won't be doing together that day.

Some wonderful friends of mine have developed a fabulous book that helps children to understand just this concept based on using a colour system to explain how you feel. It's aimed at children in the age range of 2-7 years so my 2 fit the audience perfectly. The reason I like it as it doesn't focus on what you can't do more on what you can do and when. It helps to explain invisible illness to young children.

                    

For more information please visit:

https://www.facebook.com/TotsTaleAboutTheCleverColourSystem/info

Due for release March 2013 on Amazon but we have been lucky enough to get to use this before.

Plug over with now but I really do think it is worth sharing this with people as there was nothing out there to use with young children! Please feel free to like and support the facebook page as it will keep you up to date with things.

The impact of STRESS.

So it's been a while since I posted but it seems in that time like I have had 1001 things going on. It feels as if I have been buried under this thing called stress and it has swallowed me up. Due to being under stress it has had a massive impact on how I have been feeling both physically and emotionally and so this is the inspiration for tonight's blog. The impact of stress.

                         

The above chart shows how stress can affect people and if you read it is shows just how it can affect your health. Some symptoms on there I already suffer due to my medical conditions so you can imagine what the added stress on top has been doing.

Stress and I.

We seem to have a funny relationship sometimes I seem to not stress at all about some things and be very relaxed but other things can become big issues and then cause me to have a full on Fibro flare. It seems as these past few weeks have had quite a big impact and caused one long fibro flare. I think for me the worst impacts of stress are felt through my pain levels and also on my sleeping. As a fibro suffer I struggle with sleep and having good restorative sleep as it is and adding stress to the mix is like having a lethal cocktail, it's a disaster waiting to happen. However, trying to relax and clear you mind of all the things that you are unable to control around you are not very easy.

                         

I also get very forgetful when stressed it's as if it becomes best friends with my fibro fog. I managed to miss my first Fibro support group meeting at the hospital. It wasn't until 3 am the next morning that I suddenly remembered I had missed it. I phoned up and apologised and decided to re book onto another course later on in a couple of months as I had already missed the first of 4 and I was going to miss another so it seemed like it would be a waste of time if I could only go to half. I do look forward to going to this course though so it was a shame.

Stress busting Fibro Mummy style.
I cannot control what is going on around me but I can try and take control of how it is affecting me. I try to find ways in which to try and take my mind off it and think positively about things even if they are not connected to the particular situation. The key is not to let it catch you and pull you down into a depressive spiral.

Things I have been doing to try and take my mind off the stress:

Looking forward - what have I got coming up to look forward to?
For me this is a couple of weekends away with my girls planned. I booked these just recently as I find getting away a good stress buster. I did shop around for some good hotel deals though!
A family holiday, this will soon come round and we love going to our favourite place Weymouth.
Fibro meet- a fab weekend planned where I will get to spend time with some of my fab supportive online friends! eeek can't wait!

Keep busy - What can I do now to take my mind off things?
Part of this for me is helping to organise things for our meet in terms of a document and keeping it up to date.
Doing things with my girls and getting out and about even though I have been in a lot of pain, getting out can certainly help.
Blogging is also a good outlet for me, gets things off my mind stops them buzzing round in my head especially late at night when I can't sleep.

Support - Better out than in!
Talk to people it's better out than festering away inside you. Even if it's a situation that you have little control over or say in it's always better than keeping it to yourself. Those of you who know what's going on just want to say thanks for your support!
Don't hide away and become isolated! Even if you can't get out don't hide away. I find my fab online groups a great outlet and a great support. Some are groups with people related to Fibro and disabilities who I have met some fab people through you know who you are, and others are other types of groups in particular a fab mummy group! I have over the years met some great people online that I have been talking to now in some cases for 8 years!

Try to remain positive - positivity breeds positivity!
As the old song goes 'Always look on the bright side of life'.
I also try and look at the things I have to be thankful for. My recent things to be thankful for are my fab supportive online friends, and a couple of 'real life' friends, who I don't see as much as of I would like but never the less are always there. I am thankful that even though I have been feeling in a lot of pain lately and especially over the last week I was still able to get out with the girls and enjoy a  meal out and then get some lovely clothes for them when shopping. I am also thankful that it is nearly Easter and that Mr Cadbury invented the creme egg- I love them!

                                   


My biggest things to always be thankful for though are my two beautiful girls, who always bring a smile to my face!

                                  


                                  

Sleep sleep where for art thou sleep?

Has anyone seen the sandman?

One of the symptoms of Fibro is insomnia and non restorative sleep. People with Fibro have poor quality and quantity of sleep. It seems this week that the sandman seems to have forgotten me completely! In a four day period I only managed 4 hours sleep. I can tell you that this is physically and emotionally draining.

Now people will ask you why you can't sleep and for me it's a number of reasons. Some is it's just the fibro, some is pain preventing sleep or waking me up, restless legs, IBS, stress, and also needing some of my pills increased as I have got used to them. Now lots of people have got opinions about what you should and shouldn't do to try and get to sleep but currently I am finding it hard to stay asleep for long then a few hours.

                                   

It's at times like this that I regret all the sleep I refused as a child and that I didn't get as I was too busy out partying in my late teens. How on earth I used to be able to go and do a full days work after hardly any sleep and a night of partying is beyond me! I just wish that I could go to sleep at a set time and wake up at a set time and have refreshing sleep! Is that too much to ask? Seems to be with Fibro!

                                        

It's interesting that when you read up on sleep deprivation studies many people report symptoms that are linked to Fibro. Sleep deprivation is used as a from of torture some places and I know why as it has a massive effect on how you are. When I am struggling with lack of sleep my fibro fog is 1000 times worse and my pain levels rocket. I get to the point of exhaustion.

       
                           

Snow snow and more snow.

Yet again we've had more snow here. I have seriously had enough of it now. It is lovely for a couple of days but the disruption is causes is a joke. I have been waiting for a parcel to be delivered that should have arrived last Friday and I still haven't had it because they wont drive up my road. The pavements are like ice rinks and are very dangerous. To prove this my girls school is only a few roads away from where we live yet yesterday I managed to fall over 3 times on the way to collect them. Here in Britain we just can't cope.

Ice means that many people who are elderly or disabled become housebound and isolated from everything. If you can please remember to check on your neighbours to make sure they are ok in this weather and have got everything they need.


                             

Looking forward.

During times like this I find it's good to find something positive to look forward to. For me I am currently now counting down until the Easter holidays and going on holiday again. It sounds like a long time away but it's just under 12 weeks until we go! I am always aware of the 12 week mark as that is when it is best to book the train tickets to get the cheapest advanced fares. We all love going away. Hopefully this horrible cold weather will have shifted by then and we might see this thing that is rumoured to be in the sky called the sun.

                         

Agent Poppy Puppy reporting for duty.

Vital Statistics.

NAME: Poppy Puppy.
AGE: Probably around 6 months old.
GENDER: Female.
COUNTRY OF ORIGIN: Sweden - Travelled to the UK via Ikea.
EYE COLOUR: Black.
FUR COLOUR: Light brown body, dark brown back with white boots, face and tail tip.
LIKES: Children and being cuddled.
DISLIKES: Being alone.
LIVES: Nursery but holidays every weekend.
MISSION: To visit all of Frog groups houses at weekends and have as much fun as possible. Also to ensure all Frog group parents complete the photo diary and return to nursery on Mondays with Poppy.                 

Poppy Puppy Visits Evie.

Evie introduced me to her big sister Lillie and we all
went outside in the snow and built a  little snowman.

                          

We all enjoyed doing some dressing up!
Evie found me one of her dolls purples dresses to wear.

                                 
                                

                           

Evie's Mummy and Nanny took us all to the cinema to see Ice Age 4.
We sat at the back!

My friend Dogger the Dog came too and we shared a seat!

                            

Everyone went to Ikea for hot dog and chips. It smelt yummy!

                         

Evie took me for a ride on the horse merry go round
as we were good when Evie's Mummy was in the shops.

Evie took me to her Grandad's house.
I made friends with his budgie called Minty.

As there has been lots of snow Evie, Lillie and I
built a snowman in their Grandad's back garden too!

This is a big photo of the snowman we made!

BYE BYE EVIE THANKS FOR HAVING ME!

Dancing on ice

Brrrrrrr.

It's been snowing here in Coventry and it looks beautiful when your watching it fall from inside the warm of the house heating on full blast, blanket on and a mug of hot chocolate in your hands.
However, snow can produce a whole new set of challenges in itself! The school run takes longer and becomes the school slide. I have had my mum do it for me too scared of slipping and falling over and injuring myself.  The girls thankfully were at school and nursery as usual but I received a text to say they needed collecting early due to the weather. Now if your reading this from anywhere other than in the UK you would think that with buses stopping, massive delays, deliveries not turning up etc that we're having blizzards? Well you would be wrong, the UK can grind to a halt with just 2 inches of snow!


                       

The white stuff.
So the girls came back early from school and nursery and despite my fear of falling in the snow I am still a big kid at heart and love the snow myself. I wrapped up warm and took the girls outside for a short time to play in the snow.

                          

                                     

                                     

                                      

                           

                           

                               

I was frozen to the bone I really don't know how as a child I used to play out so long in the cold and snow and not seem to feel the cold! The girls really had fun and I know they appreciated me making the effort to come outside and play too. I am paying for being out in the cold now though as my joints are really hurting from the cold!

                        

Flare.

I have just been in a huge fibro flare probably caused by a number of factors. I know for a fact the weather isn't helping the cold and damp really gets to my bones and causes pain. I have also been quite busy which hasn't helped and not properly pacing especially with the girls being off over the Christmas holidays. It always catches up with you. I have also been under a lot of stress which really doesn't help fibro.

                         

During a flare my pain levels tend to go through the roof and become hard to manage. For me my migraines also peak to agonising levels too. My glands also become swollen and very painful especially the ones under my armpits so bad I want to rip them out. Nothing helps when it gets so bad you just have to try different things. I also tend to crash out and sleep a lot at times like this.

                         

One of the most frustrating things during a flare is the fibro fog. I know the word I want to use but either it doesn't come out or a random wrong one does. This is all usually accompanied by lots of arm flapping and waving as if that will make the word magically appear out of thin air! Luckily the girls often know what I mean and we laugh about the silly wrong word I have used. The other day I was asking Lillie to pull the custard together! Custard incase you didn't know was curtains! It's ok when this happens when you are with family or friends that know you well enough but it can be quite embarrassing when you do it in public in a shop or something.

                            
Strength.

People with chronic illness and disabilities are often underestimated. In fact I think we often underestimate ourselves too. But we are strong. We maybe limited on what we can do physically but we have an inner strength. We have our health ups and downs, live with awful pain yet we still fight on.  Whatever it is it keeps us going. We are strong and we are capable and able of doing things it may not be what everyone else does or in the same way but we can still do certain things! Disabled doesn't mean boring!

For me my strength comes from my children. They are my reason I keep going. They bring me joy and happiness. We have great fun as a family and there is certainly never a dull moment. It is hard work being a single mummy with Fibro and we have all had to learn to adapt but we are getting there now and finding ways to make things work for us!

                               

Welcome 2013!

Stepping into 2013.

Where to begin well 2013 began the way we normally celebrate on new years day with a buffet and some board games. Whoever is around and not doing anything locally normally joins us for the madness too. The girls enjoy having new people round to play the games with especially ones that involve the element of surprise! Games are much more fun when there are even more people to play!

                          

            

                            

Becoming princesses for the day. 

Lillie and Evie are princess mad and where better to take any princess than a castle! So off we went to Warwick castle for the day. Guests going to the castle were Queen Mummy, Princess Lillie, Princess Evie and as Lillie said (which made me laugh) servant nanny, which didn't go down too well so it was quickly changed too Old Queen Nanny.

                 

The girls really enjoyed the castle and their favourite bit was the princess tower where we went up a tower and got to meet a princess who told us a story. The children then got given a pea to put under their mattress when they got home. The girls Loved sitting on the throne to have their photo taken too and I couldn't resist buying it either!

                        

Warwick Castle is a lovely place to visit especially in the summer. I have been twice before. Once on a school trip at 16 and once with my mum when I was about 12 I think. There are several things that have changed over the years and that's not only the massive cost of the place so be warned! When I was younger I climbed all the steps to the battlements and walked all around the castle. This time just the stairs inside exhausted me and their was enough of those but I wanted to take the girls whilst I was able too.

                        

There was plenty for us to look at inside though all the waxworks etc and the girls favourite the bird shows.

                       

                        

Evie loved how the owl could eat a whole baby chick. I thought she might have found it a bit disgusting but no she said 'I like chicken too.'

                                   

It was quite a chilly day at the castle but they served a lovely dinner there the gammon was delicious! I was very impressed with the dinner and the girls ate theirs well too.


                        

I have saved my picture of the day till last I am sure my mum didn't find this as funny as I did but it really made me laugh....

                          

Exhaustion.

As the end of the Christmas school holidays for the children got nearer to it's end so did everyone's patience with each other. I was running on empty from lack of daytime rest and the girls we're missing their friends and break from each other too.

                         

I took the girls out to a soft play area in an attempt to run off some of their energy but managed to aggravate my migraine, but the important thing was the children had a good time.

I haven't been sleeping well as of late. Some nights I have not been sleeping at all and others only getting approx 2-4 hours. It's exhausting! Night after night of lack of sleep can really take it's toll.

                                   

It's also not helped by having a regular bed invader and then one night I had 2 bed invaders. I was NOT impressed when the 2 of them climbed on in. They do however look very cute together snuggled up next to each other!

                         

Back to school.
Back to school and back to early morning starts booooo. I hate early mornings and the girls like lazy mornings when they wake up. They don't seem to have grasped the 'words hurry up'. Evie really is not bothered at all if she is late! Lillie doesn't like to be late but she seems to be a lastminuite.com kind of girl.

The week seems to have flown by not too sure where it went but I missed it. Maybe as I have had a stressful week and the girls have been back at school. I have been trying to catch up on my rest too that I have missed out on during the holidays. I have also been sorting through the girls clothes as yet again they both have had a growth spurt over the holidays. I am probably doing too much again but it has all got to be done.


                         

Fibro group.
This week I went to the hospitals Fibro information session that they run which I have waited about 7 months for a place on. Basically this was a 2.5 hour info session and after which you can decide on whether you want to sign up for a 4 week programme. Well I suppose the good news is that I have signed up for the 4 week programme. The bad news is that the introduction didn't tell me anything I didn't know already. I can't remember anything that was said second half after the tea break either. I forgot to take any handouts too. There were a few negative people in the group and I could have let out a cheer when one person decided she didn't want to do it as she was doing everything already perfectly (this was one of the ones with a negative attitude). I hope to God I get something out of the 4 week programme! I did however get to meet a lovely lady off one of the groups I am on which is great! I will blog in detail about my 4 week fibro course when I start it which will be in February and hopefully I will remember more. This first week was just very basic and I have said more in my past blogs than they have covered anyway!

More adventures.

Today we got the train to Birmingham and went to go and watch James and the giant peach. It was a really good production and both girls really enjoyed it, although there was one part where it was a bit scary. There were some very loud bangs which Nanny jumped more than the children did which Lillie then found hilarious! It was nice for the girls to go to a different theatre for a change too. Afterwards we went for lunch at pizza hut (girls request) before we headed back home on the train.


                      

Matchsticks 

Tonight the one night I am actually feeling sleepy and I am actually having to practically keep my eyes open with match sticks as I have a poorly Evie in my bed. I have had to go and get her and bring her in as I could hear her having an asthma attack. It has come so out of the blue. I am now wondering if it's all the cold weather and drop in the temperature. When your a mother you can never switch off! As a single mummy I am on call 24/7!